Man Down

man down

A popular conservative blogger, Matt Walsh, has recently joined the male shaming parade of “man up” advocates with this piece Thursday.

Matt is actually a pretty apt dude who writes a lot of top-notch stuff. In fact, I’ve got him on my blogroll. His epic take down of female “logic” in defense of abortion is one of my favorite posts by anybody anywhere. However, this most recent advice, a letter to single men, if followed, will result in only more heartbreak and confusion in their lives. We don’t need more of that.

I’m not going to analyze the entire piece, but I will quote one part that I found most ridiculous. Following that is a comment I left on his site.

No matter what anyone does, or says, or thinks; no matter what we tell ourselves; no matter what society insists, romantic relationships are always serious business. Call it what you want — hanging out, talking, dating — there’s a woman’s heart involved in it. That means you have a responsibility, alright? You have a duty as a human being, as an adult, as a man.

She’s making herself vulnerable to you. You need to honor that, protect it. And if you aren’t looking for anything but cheap sex and another trophy of sexual conquest to hang on the wall in your studio apartment, then you need to protect her from yourself, because you’ll be bringing nothing but disappointment and chaos into her life.

While you correctly identified a few days ago that “rape culture” is a direct result of hook-up culture, you’re way off the mark here, Matt. (I’m usually a fan of your stuff, by the way.) What bothers me most is your appeal to “duty” and “responsibility.”

Duty to whom? THIS shit society? This culture of greed, deceit, and frivolity? This mass (obesity pun intended) of women who have left good men behind for the douchebag or the Ben & Jerry’s? The institution of marriage that has become laughably irrelevant yet soul crushing to those who experience the shitstorm of inane divorce settlements? The future children who will inherit even worse degeneracy and depravity? Tell me, Matt. Who is it that we men owe this commitment to?

Ultimately, men SHOULD take initiative in their lives. They should grow up, learn to take care of themselves, and stop being indecisive pussies. But growing up also means leaving the pretty little lies in the past–particularly, the lie that we men “owe” anything to anyone but ourselves. It isn’t until we embrace that reality that we become true men, and ironically enough, attract more women into our lives than the needy automatons who’ve swallowed the Disney blue pill and wish upon a star for the princess they’ll live happily ever after with.

Sadly, the “man up” phenomenon isn’t exclusively reserved to the feminist leftoid part of the population. It is a surprisingly present mindset in middle America as well, among Christians and conservatives who should know better. And then all the women coming out of the alphawoodwork to congratulate him on setting his fellow men straight. At least some of his readers know the score, though. I leave you with a few adroit musings left by others on his comment section.

From AMM:

Why is this article only about guys needing to “man up”? Quite frankly, I have never had an issue being willing or able to commit to a girl, or call it a “relationship”, or what we were doing as “dating”, it’s always been the women playing those silly games of “well it’s not really a date”, or being unable to commit, or unwilling to. Maybe this article needs to be directed at the young women these days who like to make dating ambiguous, so that us guys don’t know if we’re “dating”, “talking”, or “hanging out”… it’s not just guys who play this game.

The level of stereotyping and generalizing in this article is too damn high.

From freethinker11:

How much more weight do you plan to put on after you’re married and there’s no fear of losing him?

I think the current epidemic of obesity is having a terribly negative impact on marriage.

And a gem from thesvenster:
Let’s stop pretending that most young women WANT a committed relationship while they are “experiencing thier 20s.” Sure, they say they want a loving man in thier lives, but the Actions of American women speak louder than words.

16 Ways I Blue-Pilled My Marriage

A rather popular blogger, who goes by the handle Single Dad Laughing, published a post titled “16 Ways I Blew My Marriage.” There’s a follow-up lamentation that increases the total of ways to 31, each of which containing a detailed blurb about what he did wrong and what he would do with a second (actually third–he’s been divorced twice) chance.

If Heartiste’s 16 Commandments of Poon is the hardest-to-swallow red pill, “16 Ways I Blew My Marriage” is definitely its blue pill antithesis. One of them at least. 😎

A list comprised mostly of pointless platitudes and cookie cutter counsel, the only fortunate thing about “16 Ways” was that it was advice meant for his sister. Any self-respecting man who takes this advice (in whole–there are a few decent points) is only sealing his bitter, alimony-paying future.

31 ways to fix a marriage seems cumbersome, not to mention beta. Leave it to the bereft mind of the AFC to believe that treating female attraction and love like a checklist of logical do’s and don’ts based off what women say they want is the path to success. That’s why the 16 Commandments are so powerful; they are based in what women really want, not what they claim or what men think they should want. They aren’t logical; that’s exactly why they work. The cliche “if I do something to please her she’ll love me and if I do something to anger her she’ll hate me” mindset is relationship cyanide.

I will not cover all the ways here–many are inconsequential to the tingle. The points I do mention, however, contain a wealth of feminist approved marriage counseling. I will copy them over in their original form–I felt it was fitting that they were done in blue. So without further ado Single Dad Laughing (henceforth dubbed SDL) and the ways he blue-pilled his marriage:

1 Don't Stop Holding Her Hand

You’ll quickly observe that not all of SDL’s admonitions are 180° away from the truth. This is one of those instances. Kino=good. Even the herbiest of the betas knows this deep down. But the problem isn’t that he didn’t hold her hand; it’s that once the love was gone, she didn’t want him to hold her hand. It wouldn’t have mattered. In fact, it probably would have produced a subconscious pelvis reaction in her revealing her deep-seated disdain for him.

2 Don't Stop Trying To Be Attractive

SDL is correct in this realization; he is incorrect in its implementation. Thinking like a man, he assumes his attractiveness is completely composed of his looks and grooming, when in fact those things are just the icing on the cake of a man’s suite of traits necessary for making women swoon. And sadly, appearance is not even in the top three.

6 Don't Call Names

Read carefully. Only one person in the marriage was actually calling the other names, and it wasn’t our betadaddy. Yet he seems to take full responsibility for it. Oh, the mind tricks men will succumb to…

7 Don't Be Stingy With Your Money

Sure, there’s no need to be a miser. But the “buy whatever you want, whenever you feel you need it, sweetie-poo” policy will simply get her into a habit of  spending your money that won’t slow down until long after the divorce.

9 Don't Encourage Each Other To Skip Working Out

Sometimes betas get so close to the truth it scares them. He’s absolutely correct. “I don’t care if you let yourself go” is hamster talk. It isn’t reality. As much as they try to convince themselves otherwise, men don’t want to be in a relationship with a fat-ass. They can tell themselves all day they love their Pillsbury Dough Wife, but they know deep down something is wrong. Love without attraction isn’t real love.

As for his do-over wish, you must be the change you want in your world. As nice as feminine support and encouragement can be, a real man would stay healthy on his own, and realize that if his wife didn’t respect him enough to reciprocate, he would have the prerogative to look elsewhere for real love.

11 Don't Stop Kissing Her

See #1. He can wish to Kingdom Come that he’d have kissed “any time she secretly wanted a kiss” but it wouldn’t have mattered once her ice curtains closed on him. Like many on this list, this one is trying to treat a symptom, not a cause. The only way to salvage a marriage like this is to show up with the lipstick of another woman on his collar.

12 Don't Stop Having Fun Together

This one is actually on the mark. But I can’t help but think, after reading so much from the haters over the years, that this sounds like a “tactic” being advocated by someone not “being himself.” I mean, our ex-husband friend had no reason to impress his wife anymore, and vice versa. The reason they stopped having fun together was because they didn’t want to have fun together. They’d settled. The charade was over.

13 Don't Pressure Each Other

Values differences might make for good flings or short-term relationships, but you’re asking for trouble in a marriage. A woman who doesn’t feel at all subject to your values is a woman who can rationalize doing anything to you.

16 Don't Emotionally Distance Yourself After A Fight

Sounds like advice a modern marriage counselor would give. Such people tend to be reality-deniers who believe the way to the road to cultivating a successful relationship is done one way–by “communicating emotions and feelings,” as our author suggests. Simply put, this is bad advice. At best, it is incomplete. Just look at the guy who eats it right up. He never took the opportunity to take advantage of fights with sex. And he’s never realized that the passion that makes up “make-up sex” so storied isn’t because of the making up, it’s because of the fight itself.

17 Don't Stop Bringing Her Flowers

Gift-giving is a fool’s errand. There are certain times in a relationship in which it can be effective; on the whole, it does only harm once the attraction is gone. Remember one of Roissy’s maxims:

Maxim #87: The more expensive or thoughtful the gift you give a girl, the greater the risk that she will subconsciously begin to think she is too good for you.

Corollary to Maxim #87: If you are dating out of your league, or you are dating a young hot babe in her prime, you should do the exact opposite of what everyone will tell you to do — *don’t* buy her expensive gifts. Be particularly wary of advice from women. No woman in the world is capable of thinking clearly or impartially on the matter of “acceptable” levels of male provisioning. Even old, fat hausfrau hogs will expect mountains of jewels in offerings from men.

20 Don't Be Passive Aggressive With Her

“Um, Sweetums, please point out when I’m being passive aggressive so that I can rephrase things in a productive way,” said no alpha ever.

22 Don't Touch Her Only When You Want Sex

Not bad advice, but again, it’s nothing that will save a marriage on the rocks. How about instead you go out to a club one night, call her suspiciously (making sure she can hear other girls around), come home late, and then bang her up against a wall when you get home…

27 Don't Think You're Smarter Than She Is

“Over-bloated confidence” is the heart of game, my friend. No need to be a know-it-all. There are ways to show dominance over your woman without you coming off as a sniveling shit. A truly confident man will feel no need to prove himself right or get a reaction out of her; he and his woman will simply know that he leads. He doesn’t have to be objectively smarter to do this; the perception just has to be that he is.

30 Don't Demand That She Tell You What She's Thinking

This is another of the few good ones. I just included it to give you a picture of how beta this guy was. Any guy who asks his girlfriend or wife what she’s thinking should lop off and donate his testicles to science. Right now.

31 Don't Buy Into Your Grandparents' Gender Roles

And that, good sir, is why you lose. Our grandparents didn’t just come up with their “gender roles” out of the ether; they are biological realities. There is no denying our true natures.

Speaking of grandparents, imagine an alpha from the days of yore. Sean Connery, John Wayne, James Dean, Cary Grant. Now think back to this list. How many of these things can you seriously picture them abiding by? You could probably count them on one hand. Can you imagine Rhett Butler convincing himself he’s not as smart as Scarlett? Or “to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like she needed it?”

Would the love have vanished because of these “failures”? Would his marriage have been on the rocks? Keep dreaming.

Why Men Need Not Listen To Pedestalizing Blowhards

Even though left-wing ideology (and the feminist ilk that regurgitates it) is the root cause of the sad state of the modern American sexual market, it doesn’t mean religious conservatives don’t have blood on their hands either. As evidenced by this vacuous piece by The Washington Post‘s resident pastor Mark Driscoll, a great deal of damage can be done by taking this worldview seriously as well.

For starters, I believe people like Driscoll have their heart in the right place, and science to back up their case– their underlying point, at least– that marriage is good for society. Indeed it is. Children raised in strong, two-parent households are less likely to fall into lives of crime and other assorted ne’er-do-well behavior. The stronger our families, the stronger our society. It’s a simple point many liberals refuse to concede.

Beyond that, however, people sharing Driscoll’s mindset are severely misguided. In the article, the pastor employs the “man-up” method of guilt-tripping guys into taking the plunge into marriage. Add that to the fact that he never specifies why exactly men need marriage, and you have something in serious need of the Colonel’s critical scrutiny.

His intro is laughable to anyone who’s ever taken a step back and put two and two together:

She was smart, funny, interesting, successful, attractive, kind, in her 40s, and still single.

After my wife Grace and I spent some time with the woman from our church, we could not fathom why no one had married her.

I’ll take Marky for his word and believe this 40-something was attractive. Regardless of whether or not it is true, her looks are nowhere near what they were at 25 and she is on the brink of sexual irrelevancy.

There is one subtle clue pointing to the reality of this poor woman’s situation, though– she is described as “successful.” More than likely, she followed the script so many females of her generation before her did– working her way up the corporate stepladder focusing on her “career” while in her 20s, meanwhile falling for and getting plowed by alphas, proceeding to get her heart broken by those alphas, ruining her forever to provider betas, continuing her ultimately pointless pursuits along the stepladder, seeing the alpha love slowly wane, causing her to develop a personality (becoming “smart, funny, interesting”), turning 40, and then suddenly realizing aloud, “Hey, wait a second! I’m not married! What gives?!”

Driscoll then solidifies my point by pointing out the statistics, which include the fact that more women are currently attending college and working a career track job than men. But instead of coming to the realization that it is women choosing these things over men, he predictably follows the pattern of all the other pedestal crafters like him. He absolves them of all blame.

What are the guys doing? Often, they’re acting like boys who can shave, getting drunk, watching porn, attending sporting events, and treating responsibility like Superman does green kryptonite.

Attending sporting events? Oh the humanity!

He continues:

So, many women are waiting longer to marry. Eventually, some get tired of the fools parade and settle for some guy who is more likely to act like a baby than help raise a baby. These guys make the worst husbands: gambling away the money, out late with the boys a lot, unfaithful, can’t seem to fit a full-time job in around his hobbies, and eventually trading in their 40-year-old wife for two 20-year-old girlfriends.

Basically, his argument is that the beta provider is a woman’s first choice, but because they’re too busy avoiding responsibility and getting drunk at baseball games, they “settle for” the cheating, aloof, immature badboy alpha.

Sorry, Mark. You’ve got it turned around. Those “babies” are choice numero uno in the ids of attractive women the world across, all to the detriment of the hard-working, responsible, ready-to-be-a-papa-for-scarce-pussy betas. And the effect of this rejection? You got it! Shunning responsibility and watching porn!

Even though he correctly points out the dynamics of the situation, his analysis of it is all fucked up. He’s not understanding what is the cause and what is the effect.

Seeing this dismal fate and unwilling to settle [read: marry a niceguy] or suffer [read: dump an alpha even though they’re still hopelessly in love with him], other young women just give up hope and decide it’s better to be single than sorry.

And ultimately, it is that decision that is the cause of the whole problem of men resorting to becoming boring directionless betas or arrogant asshole alphas. It’s not an effect.

Rather than some public outrage against irresponsible addictive selfish boys who can shave, what do we have? Comedies. From inane television shows like “The Big Bang Theory” to “How I Met Your Mother” to bromance movies and pull-my-finger comedies from Seth Rogen, Andy Samberg, Zach Galifianakis and the like, we just laugh. Many men are not funny, but they are a joke.

For every caddish TV protagonist like Barney from “How I Met Your Mother” there are at least three celebrated female characters living life by the same standards. How else would you describe the “Sex and the City” phenomenon?

If you want to rage against irresponsible addictive selfishness, Mr. Driscoll, be my guest. But don’t pin it all on one sex. And just remember that where the ladies go, the men follow. Not the other way around.

Men are like trucks: they drive straighter with a weighted load. Young men are supposed to load themselves up first by being responsible for themselves and not expecting their mom to fill up their sippy cup with beer and push them in a stroller to the unemployment line. Young men who take responsibility for themselves are then ready to marry and take responsibility for the life and joy of their wife. And, as they grow in that responsibility they are then ready to take on the additional responsibility of being a father, invested in and devoted to their child or children.

It’s fine to become a responsible adult, but it would take an ignoramus to look at the current state of marriage in this country and conclude that it would be a responsible decision to leap into a lifestyle in which everything is suddenly stacked against him.

I know plenty of good-hearted men who would be good husbands and fathers. And these guys aren’t as rare as guys like Driscoll would have you believe. Now, disregarding the fact that most of them are ultimately rejected by those girls they find most attractive, why should they gamble the life they’ve built on the shaky foundation that is modern marriage?

After appealing to the Bible to make his point about marriage being necessary, he finally adds in the standard slap-on-the-wrist chastening towards the ladies:

To be sure, there are some terrible women in the world. But, if you believe the statistics, men have been on the losing end of this cultural ‘evolution.’

Ladies, are you part of the problem? Are you the mom or girlfriend letting a boy who can shave live at your house eating your food and mooching off your hard work? Are you enabling some guy who is using you to live foolishly without having to suffer painfully?

Are you the girlfriend who has allowed one of these guys to be with you although there is no clarity regarding what your relationship is or direction for where it’s going?

Again, he’s treating it like it’s a problem caused by men while women are only responsible for allowing it to flourish or etiolate. Women hold the cards in the sexual market. And in the end, they’ll obtain what their animal natures crave. Men must either adapt (learn game), settle for less (further skewing the SMV of females in the direction of more bloated egos), or go into hiding (watching porn and letting their lives waste away as career celibates). Whatever road they choose, marriage isn’t going to do them any favors unless they luck out in the wife lottery.

And I would ask the men, do you want to leave a good time or a good legacy? Do you want to one day be the dirty old man alone in the strip club on Christmas, or the grandpa who loves his wife and has their children and grandchildren to their home to share in their joy? Do you have a plan to get there, or are you expecting the life fairy to take care of that for you? Would you want your sons to be like you? Would you want your daughters to marry someone like you?

Why must this argument always be framed as a false dilemma? One who avoids marriage does not necessarily have to become a “dirty old man alone in the strip club on Christmas.” He can find fulfillment in relationships that don’t involve the government and a ridiculously expensive rock on his girlfriend’s ring finger. And granted, as he approaches old age, he may not continue to have the experiences he once had, but those he did have will have been worth it. And probably much more memorable than cold, once-a-month sex with a nagging wife. Not to mention age is far from being the SMV killer to men like it is women.

On the other side of his fallacious scenario, marrying a woman and having children and grandchildren is no guarantee of happiness. That is, if a married man is even able to achieve such a legacy, what with the whimsy of his bride and the no-fault divorce laws that exist all over the place.

He concludes with a continuation of his exhausting rhetorical admonishments:

Are you a fool? Was your father a fool? When will the folly stop?

To answer your last question, when women decide that their careers aren’t the be-all-end-all of female happiness on this planet and stop rejecting good men for cocky badboys. Don’t hold your breath.

And to answer your first question last, no. Because I don’t plan on getting ass-raped married any time soon…

Jay Cutler, Alpha Extraordinaire

Chicago Bears’ quarterback Jay Cutler ended the 2010 NFL season on the front page of the headlines, being accused of faking an injury in the Bears’ NFC Championship loss to the Packers (turns out he sprained his MCL). Now as Opening Day 2011 approaches, he’s in the news again. He dumped his reality star fiance, Kristen Cavallari, just days before the wedding.

Good for him.

Cutler is perhaps the most maligned player in the league. He’s been accused of being a crybaby and a quitter, overrated and spoiled. Don’t buy the hype. Six reasons to like #6:

  • Three-piece suits are always a good choice.
  • He nabbed an attractive high-status babe in Cavallari.
  • He’s a solid young quarterback. Broncos fans should rue the day their idiot new coach, Josh McDaniels, got rid of him. He’s by far the most gifted QB to come through Colorado since John Elway, and is easily talented enough to qualify as one of the league’s ten best. Since signing with the Bears, he has put up solid stats even with a mediocre receiving corps and an offensive line that has allowed their prime signal caller to get sacked 87 times in 31 games. Yet Cutler’s still managed to throw for almost 7,000 yards and 50 touchdown passes, not to mention win a playoff game, in that span.
  • The haters were completely misguided in their criticism of him after the championship loss to the Packers. As mentioned, his MCL was sprained. Did fans really expect him to play through an injury that his head coach figured would have possibly kept him out of a potential Super Bowl two weeks later had they advanced? The last thing you want to mess with is a knee injury, I don’t care what game it is. And then he gets criticized for not “appearing injured” on the sidelines. Let me pose a question to these dimwits: don’t you think if Cutler was faking his injury, the first thing he would have done would have been to wrench in pain all over the place? Or do they think he was applying the subtle tactic of reverse psychology? The fact is, he was physically unable to play and he took the pain (try spraining your knee sometime and tell me how it feels) like a man.
  • He dumped her before taking the unwise plunge into marriage. Good call. Cutler is 28 years old, has through-the-roof status and good looks, and the entire city of Chicago at his feet. Why end the dream by getting hitched to a girl whose fame has come from appearing in The Hills? He knew better. He knows he has options and he knows what marriage to a spoiled princess/attention whore was going to fetch him. Better to make that decision now than after she could swipe half his fortune in a messy divorce settlement 5-7 years down the road.
  • He appears to have solid relationship game. From one of Cavallari’s personal friends: “Jay Cutler was beyond controlling and didn’t really like Kristin to go out. When she did go out, he called all the time and demanded to know exactly where she was going and who she was with. He made her choose between him and being friends with a lot of her girlfriends. I’m not surprised it didn’t last.” Well maybe he had watched her season of Laguna Beach and didn’t like what he saw! Now I don’t recommend the average dude constantly calling in on his girl, but in a case like this, Cutler knew he had to keep her on a short leash. It’s obvious that whatever tactics he was using, he had hand in the relationship, and with someone of Cavallari’s sexual market value, that’s impressive, even for an NFL quarterback. Let’s not forget, also, that she was completely taken aback at the news. Who would dare dump her? A super alpha, that’s who.