So You’re Suddenly Cocky-Funny?

Over at PUA Forums, there was a concern coming from someone who felt he had failed in transitioning from his old AFC self to cocky-funny at his workplace, noting that the girls there didn’t want to talk to him anymore. There was an insightful comment from LockDown, who expounded on a theory he had about using cocky-funny techniques on girls at work:

Im not a super PUA yet or anything but i had a theory about c and f and work.

I believe when u try it at work, you are dealing with women who have known u for so long that c&f fries their brain. They already have u set up as a friend ( u said they used to hang out). Now they see a new side of u… an attractive side. Its hard to reconcile those two things. So they kinda back off. B4 they were comfortable with u because u were in LJBF zone (unless u have more info to contrary). So it was easy for them to approach u and ask to hang out. However, when u show the alpha qualities, they now want u to lead. They are attracted so they go into ‘ i dont want to give off obvious signs that i like him’ mode.

But trust me its there. U just have to lead now. Take the rains and run with it. Im sure they are at least curious about why/how u had this personality change.

I too have noticed this phenomenon. When you go C&F on a girl you’ve never met before, she won’t bat an eye, because she doesn’t have any preconceived notions of you. But when you do it on a girl who knows you already (particularly at work, where you’re not only pegged as beta but you’re also within the bounds of a “professional” environment), your feedback may not be so welcoming.

The reason I quote LockDown’s post and not the others isn’t because there wasn’t good advice, but that it was predictable — he went “over the top,” he didn’t “calibrate correctly,” etc. But they were all based on the assumption that the girls at work didn’t like what he was doing. LockDown’s analysis adds another possibility — that they actually were attracted to their new and improved co-worker but didn’t know how to “reconcile” it. In other words, the same behavior coming from a complete stranger would have had them swooning, but because it was from their LJBF work buddy, they rationalized against their attraction.

I like the last paragraph of the comment the best. It illustrates the maxim that irrational self-confidence trumps rational defeatism every time. Assume the sale. That is the heart of cocky-funny. Without that attitude as your foundation, your cocky-funny will crash and burn, and will make girls uncomfortable. Also, he is very astute in the observation that the girls are “at least curious” about why the sudden change in attitude and behavior has come about. Even if he did take it “too far,” the female brain can’t help but wonder why. And if they’re wondering about you, that means you’ve gotten into their heads — which puts you above 90% of the ignored whitenoise coming from the scores of betas they sift through every day.

Of course it’s possible that the guy who made the original post didn’t calibrate properly, and the advice of the other posters was spot-on. But as far as what we can take and apply from his experiences, LockDown’s theory is what should be kept in mind. Just a few caveats:

  • Don’t bother trying this on unattractive girls, and keep it to a minimum on average girls. The hotter the girl, the better C&F game works. And while every girl, fat or thin, ugly or pretty, will be curious about the change, why bother if she’s not worth hooking up with?
  • It should be obvious, but save your best C&F game for when you get together outside the workplace. The core of your workplace game should be about leading with authority, constructing an unbreakable frame, and not being overly accommodating to others’ demands. So in other words, demonstrate alpha much more indirectly than directly. The last thing you need is some bullshit sexual harassment suit. But then again, if you’re really C&F’ing correctly, they’re going to feel so disqualified that if you do get in trouble, it will be for simply being an asshole. Not necessarily a bad thing. Calibration is of utmost importance on this one.
  • Don’t actively chase any girl who has LJBF’ed you. Your pursuits should be going towards a new crop of girls. Let the co-worker chicks chase you if they like your game enough. But remember, the best way for that to happen is to combine your C&F with a little dose of preselection.
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One Response to So You’re Suddenly Cocky-Funny?

  1. Osi says:

    I’m a new reader, and this is my second post of yours I’ve read.

    I’ve had an extremely similar experience at my own work (a certain popular coffee chain). I work with almost exclusively females, and for the first year there I was quite beta, as I was in an LDR at the time. I was well-liked, but nothing special. When I broke things off with the girl, I started reading game again and applying it at work. I’ve gotten more accomplished in the second year there, but I’ve also rubbed a number of people the wrong way. I actually got called a “chauvinistic misogynist,” by my manager at the time, who said that was how another co-worker described me.

    Since that point, I’ve toned it down a bit, but turned up the non-verbal quite a lot. The effect has been noteworthy, in that the more homely ones act comfortable around me, and the hottest ones ( I use the term loosely, they are 7’s at most) can’t seem to get enough of me. I don’t think it’s a mistake either that I actually get along best with the hotter ones.

    Calibration is important, and I’m glad I had a manager who liked me enough to give me a heads up when I was going over the top.

    Great piece.

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