Overgaming: Eye Contact

Roissy posted in his blog a few months back a list of “gross errors” made by guys in their “pickup judgment” he observed at a house party he had attended. Not surprisingly, numero uno was:

  • Laser-like focus of his eyes on her eyes.

Most of the mistakes mentioned were the result of running anti-game, but in this case, we have an instance of overgaming, which is the fanatical cousin of game. It is just as ineffective as running no game at all.

The mistake of too much eye contact should be considered overgaming because, well, what better exudes self-confidence and mastery over one’s situation than the ability to make eye contact? I think it’s pretty basic knowledge (among alphas and betas alike) that, in general, making eye contact=good, and failing to make eye contact=bad.

However, there is a time and place for eye contact, just like every other facet of game. During the approach, eye contact should be a key component. When you first meet eyes with a girl, you should hold eye contact until she breaks it, as a sign of dominance. If you are approaching her from a direction from which she can see you (highly recommended), eye contact should be established. But beyond that, the rules are fluid.

Much of it depends on whether you’re approaching a one-set or a two-or-more-set. In the case of the multiple-person set, the Mystery Method teaches that your target, at first, should be given the least amount of attention.  The attention you do give to her should not be in the form of swooning or trying to win her over. It should be in the form of aloofness and negs (all the while calibrating in accordance with how much of an ego deflation your target needs). Eye contact should be distributed among the group equally.

In the case of a one-set, your eye contact will obviously have to be doled out more directly to your target. But that doesn’t mean 100% of the conversation should involve your eyes in laser-lock position. Aloofness must still be demonstrated. Look around the room while you speak, notice other girls, glance at your watch on occasion, don’t invest too much into one approach. Besides coming across as simply creepy, laser-lock eye contact is a sign that too much importance is being put on the interaction. This will lower your value because it will be a display of neediness (vis a vis preselection). You must exude the aura of a been-there-done-that mentality. Girls are keen at picking up on this.

I’m also in the school of thought that too much eye contact can be a negative later in the courtship process. If, for example, you were to tell her a joke (a well-crafted and tasteful one, I’m sure), what would appear more alpha? Locking right in on her eyes as you tell the punchline or looking somewhere else?

I say somewhere else. Locking in on her eyes in such an instance will come across as attention-seeking and needy. You know what you’re saying is funny; you don’t need her to vindicate that for you. I’m not saying to avoid eye contact entirely during the joke. Show her you have faith in it. But once you establish that, don’t cross the needy line.

What must be realized is that there are times when lack of eye contact is just as much an indicator of self-confidence as making eye contact is. And it is only in learning the art of calibration can a PUA exude that self-confidence in each unique situation.

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