May 20, 2013 Leave a comment
A rather popular blogger, who goes by the handle Single Dad Laughing, published a post titled “16 Ways I Blew My Marriage.” There’s a follow-up lamentation that increases the total of ways to 31, each of which containing a detailed blurb about what he did wrong and what he would do with a second (actually third–he’s been divorced twice) chance.
A list comprised mostly of pointless platitudes and cookie cutter counsel, the only fortunate thing about “16 Ways” was that it was advice meant for his sister. Any self-respecting man who takes this advice (in whole–there are a few decent points) is only sealing his bitter, alimony-paying future.
31 ways to fix a marriage seems cumbersome, not to mention beta. Leave it to the bereft mind of the AFC to believe that treating female attraction and love like a checklist of logical do’s and don’ts based off what women say they want is the path to success. That’s why the 16 Commandments are so powerful; they are based in what women really want, not what they claim or what men think they should want. They aren’t logical; that’s exactly why they work. The cliche “if I do something to please her she’ll love me and if I do something to anger her she’ll hate me” mindset is relationship cyanide.
I will not cover all the ways here–many are inconsequential to the tingle. The points I do mention, however, contain a wealth of feminist approved marriage counseling. I will copy them over in their original form–I felt it was fitting that they were done in blue. So without further ado Single Dad Laughing (henceforth dubbed SDL) and the ways he blue-pilled his marriage:
You’ll quickly observe that not all of SDL’s admonitions are 180° away from the truth. This is one of those instances. Kino=good. Even the herbiest of the betas knows this deep down. But the problem isn’t that he didn’t hold her hand; it’s that once the love was gone, she didn’t want him to hold her hand. It wouldn’t have mattered. In fact, it probably would have produced a subconscious pelvis reaction in her revealing her deep-seated disdain for him.
SDL is correct in this realization; he is incorrect in its implementation. Thinking like a man, he assumes his attractiveness is completely composed of his looks and grooming, when in fact those things are just the icing on the cake of a man’s suite of traits necessary for making women swoon. And sadly, appearance is not even in the top three.
Read carefully. Only one person in the marriage was actually calling the other names, and it wasn’t our betadaddy. Yet he seems to take full responsibility for it. Oh, the mind tricks men will succumb to…
Sure, there’s no need to be a miser. But the “buy whatever you want, whenever you feel you need it, sweetie-poo” policy will simply get her into a habit of spending your money that won’t slow down until long after the divorce.
Sometimes betas get so close to the truth it scares them. He’s absolutely correct. “I don’t care if you let yourself go” is hamster talk. It isn’t reality. As much as they try to convince themselves otherwise, men don’t want to be in a relationship with a fat-ass. They can tell themselves all day they love their Pillsbury Dough Wife, but they know deep down something is wrong. Love without attraction isn’t real love.
As for his do-over wish, you must be the change you want in your world. As nice as feminine support and encouragement can be, a real man would stay healthy on his own, and realize that if his wife didn’t respect him enough to reciprocate, he would have the prerogative to look elsewhere for real love.
See #1. He can wish to Kingdom Come that he’d have kissed “any time she secretly wanted a kiss” but it wouldn’t have mattered once her ice curtains closed on him. Like many on this list, this one is trying to treat a symptom, not a cause. The only way to salvage a marriage like this is to show up with the lipstick of another woman on his collar.
This one is actually on the mark. But I can’t help but think, after reading so much from the haters over the years, that this sounds like a “tactic” being advocated by someone not “being himself.” I mean, our ex-husband friend had no reason to impress his wife anymore, and vice versa. The reason they stopped having fun together was because they didn’t want to have fun together. They’d settled. The charade was over.
Values differences might make for good flings or short-term relationships, but you’re asking for trouble in a marriage. A woman who doesn’t feel at all subject to your values is a woman who can rationalize doing anything to you.
Sounds like advice a modern marriage counselor would give. Such people tend to be reality-deniers who believe the way to the road to cultivating a successful relationship is done one way–by “communicating emotions and feelings,” as our author suggests. Simply put, this is bad advice. At best, it is incomplete. Just look at the guy who eats it right up. He never took the opportunity to take advantage of fights with sex. And he’s never realized that the passion that makes up “make-up sex” so storied isn’t because of the making up, it’s because of the fight itself.
Gift-giving is a fool’s errand. There are certain times in a relationship in which it can be effective; on the whole, it does only harm once the attraction is gone. Remember one of Roissy’s maxims:
Maxim #87: The more expensive or thoughtful the gift you give a girl, the greater the risk that she will subconsciously begin to think she is too good for you.
Corollary to Maxim #87: If you are dating out of your league, or you are dating a young hot babe in her prime, you should do the exact opposite of what everyone will tell you to do — *don’t* buy her expensive gifts. Be particularly wary of advice from women. No woman in the world is capable of thinking clearly or impartially on the matter of “acceptable” levels of male provisioning. Even old, fat hausfrau hogs will expect mountains of jewels in offerings from men.
“Um, Sweetums, please point out when I’m being passive aggressive so that I can rephrase things in a productive way,” said no alpha ever.
Not bad advice, but again, it’s nothing that will save a marriage on the rocks. How about instead you go out to a club one night, call her suspiciously (making sure she can hear other girls around), come home late, and then bang her up against a wall when you get home…
“Over-bloated confidence” is the heart of game, my friend. No need to be a know-it-all. There are ways to show dominance over your woman without you coming off as a sniveling shit. A truly confident man will feel no need to prove himself right or get a reaction out of her; he and his woman will simply know that he leads. He doesn’t have to be objectively smarter to do this; the perception just has to be that he is.
This is another of the few good ones. I just included it to give you a picture of how beta this guy was. Any guy who asks his girlfriend or wife what she’s thinking should lop off and donate his testicles to science. Right now.
And that, good sir, is why you lose. Our grandparents didn’t just come up with their “gender roles” out of the ether; they are biological realities. There is no denying our true natures.
Speaking of grandparents, imagine an alpha from the days of yore. Sean Connery, John Wayne, James Dean, Cary Grant. Now think back to this list. How many of these things can you seriously picture them abiding by? You could probably count them on one hand. Can you imagine Rhett Butler convincing himself he’s not as smart as Scarlett? Or “to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like she needed it?”
Would the love have vanished because of these “failures”? Would his marriage have been on the rocks? Keep dreaming.